Loneliness among young people is rampant. It’s time to offline and talk to each other | Alexander Hurst

oneFirst, I was shocked when psychologist Angelica Farala told me that most of the time it was women, not men, and I wanted to write. Her research Entering male loneliness. But that’s the key to the problem, isn’t it? Our men need to talk, and we are not enough: not enough anyway.

How many people say they are approaching have dropped sharply since 1990, a postdoctoral fellow at Stanford University and a visitor to the London School of Economics. In the United States, two-thirds of men aged 18 to 23 believe No one really knows them;one third Haven’t seen anyone The past week’s home outside; only one Fifth, they say they have friends they can really count on. And an amazing 69% of young people Think about “no one cares if a man is OK.”

Of course, women have experienced the same loneliness, isolation and disconnection – speed is not far from men’s side. Additionally, many women with male relationships find themselves doing what Ferrara named “Mankeeping” It’s popular recently: Grab the emotional weight of being the only intimate social connection for male partners. With that in mind, Ferrara sees her work as “his sympathy”, in other words, too kind to adult men who should be able to take care of themselves.

While I understand reflexes are going to slam and ask, “Why is a bunch of incels getting so much attention?”, it’s a mistake. As Ferrara said to me, “Our lives are so interconnected.” A man’s close connection is damaging society as a whole.

Since 2017, there has been one Significantly increased Among men living in what some researchers call the “men’s box.” That is, men with deep disgust in masculinity and gender roles: who want to know where their wife or girlfriend is always, they think they should always have the ultimate claim in a relationship and think that homosexuals are “not real men.” The same survey found that 63% of men wanted them to be more “male”.

Let me speak directly to the man: This is our problem and responsibility. We need to find a way out, and I think that first separates masculinity from “ruling.” For too many men, domination is the root of masculinity. Dominate conversations in online and offline conversations, dominate the body space around them, dominate women (“your body, my choice”, Nick Fuentes tweeted Donald Trump’s second election victory). The identity formed around domination always harms men because it is fundamentally contradictory to the community. I think the community is where the entire alienated westerner really desires to go deep.

In fact, I would even say that domination is not only a contradiction to the community, but also a real confidence. Rule is something that is unsafe to seek as a means of generating confidence. True confidence doesn’t need it. Disturbingly, Taveeshi Gupta, senior director of research at Equimundo, said that in men’s boxes, it is often associated with a better sense of purpose because men are associated with the role of providers and protectors, which is how women stick to men as well. But what if we can get the same results by rearranging it as care?

“Men talk about their friendship with desire for what no Ferrara said she said as part of the study that he conducted hundreds of interviews with men and their romantic partners. “One of the stereotypes I fight, men fight, and it’s men don’t need to be intimate.” I have male friendships, their natural environment is joking, my male friendships involve deeper intellectual and emotional sharing, where we find spaces to sit and chat, or Refaire Le Mondeas the French like to say: keep the world straight.

I do wonder if the ability to create deeper connections can be taught. I am about the same age as me and I am from the United States. Neither of us encountered any form of unit to identify and discuss emotions in our primary education. But she hit me with something surprising: in the men she interviewed Do The report has a close relationship, and many of them (including strangely Canadians’ weird concentrations) do talk about the emotions and relationships of the school.

“There aren’t enough scripts to raise boys,” Gupta said. At a very young age, they talked openly about how they “love” male friends, and then society kept them away from them and then pushed them into a world where “they can’t have these relationships.” Sometimes this also means literal scripts: Ferrara tells me that she can recall many examples of her childhood and pop culture adolescence, showing women how women discuss their feelings with each other in performances like sex and city. We both paused for a while, trying to think of similar examples involving men. I can’t. Nor can she.

We live in a cynical age, rich in articles about newly created terms such as “heterosexuals”: people who are tired of modern dating and believe that there is no longer “good men.” In this age, “Manosphere” is full of loneliness that desires to prey on men and needs to be sold to real communities by selling pitiful alternatives such as the tragic brave alternatives of masculinism. If all of this becomes a self-fulfilling narrative, it would be devastating.

It depends on us – to men – to change the narrative. Once we get away from the crucible of shared classrooms or university campuses, it’s hard to start a deep friendship in our later lives, which has become a kind of authenticity. But it’s an effort to change that: to solve, ask deeper questions, create a lack of community awareness – hopefully offline “third space” rather than online. We may not have to face the glass ceiling above us, but we often place ourselves behind glass walls we make. Let’s break them.